FUNNY THINGS - Pg 3 - MY LIFE WITH HIGH TECHNOLOGY

1.                THE ONGOING LAWN SAGA

Yep. LAWN saga. GRRROWLLLL.

It ALLLLL began last summer. 

On a dry hot summer afternoon, as I sat in the hammock watching my grass grow nigh taller than my house. ALAS, trying to count on someone to do the yard work had ended in a MISERABLE failure. 

( I was miserable and THEY were a failure).

SO, I went out and bought a new mower. HAH! 

I'll show DEM varmits. (or so I thought).

It didn't work.

Took it back.

THEN I went to Virginny 
(as in 'Carry Me Back To' but they lied. 
I had to drive). Anyway, I came back prepared to MOW, but alas. THAT one wouldn't work either.

GRUMP WHINE WHIMPER.

They gave me my $$$ back and I went elsewhere...
and bought ANOTHER new one.

Used it 3-4 times. Then fall fell and so did snow, 

and that was that. I tucked it in bed, kissed it goodnight for the winter, and...

This Spring, and this is the thanks I get for all that wuvvin', the DAMN THING REFUSED TO START.

No cough. NO sneeze. NO NUFFIN. DEAD.

(Taps played every time I opened the garage door).

PFUI.

SO, near on two weeks ago, I called Homely Despot and, while adopting mah BEST pouty lip, tole dem mah plight.

It's UNDER WARRANTY, I was assured. 

JUST BRING IT IN.

THIS IS WHEN THE FUN REEEELY started.

I'll skip ahead. Last Friday, I called and yes INDEEDY, it was back 

(from accompanying Barack to Colorado or Kuala Lumppy or somewhar lahke thet Ah ith sure),

And A GLOWING REPORTY WAS ISSUED.

WORKS JUST LIKE NEW, they said smiling...

(and well it should cause...IT IS new).

I will now skip ahead again over the parts where I was simultaneously mind you whining, crying, tantrumming, moaning, etc.

Manager said he would kiss it and make it all better. (WEEEEEEEEEEEELY? HMMM)

And BY GOD he did.

And BOY I thought this is IT. 

LIKE NEW. NEW MOWER.

Okay. Ran errands this morning but finally got home and thought...HMMMM. Looks like rain. Better try to get at least SOME mowing done.

SO Ah filled mah NEW MOWEY (sorta) with gas. (which I had forgotten and had to go back and get).

(About that KLUTZ thing).

& BY GOD WE ROLLED OUT TO THE FRONT YARD!

OH AH WAS ALMOST BESAHDE MAHSELFY

Started it up.

Purr purr

Engaged mower.

WENT THREE FEET,

AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDD 

THE FRONT WHEELS FELL OFF.

I SWEAR YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Wheels on ground. Just unfortunately NOT in the upright position. I just stood there for a minute. STUNNED at what I was looking at.

New mower. Wheels fell off. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD GOD.

JUST EXACTLY WHAT IN THE HELL DID I DO...
to PISS OFF the lawnmower Gods, anyway?

I finally got over the initial shock, stormed in the house, called THE (about to be) HOMELESS DIPSTICK, and of course, my PERTHUNAL Asst General Manager perthun, BASTION of all that is customer service holy, was off.

FUME #*(%(#%*&#(.

BUT, never fear.
I was QUICKLY (hehehe) deflected to the 
Manager of AHL THANGS LAHWN...WHO 
promptly told me, after listening to me whine and moan and whimper for a minute, to 
JUST BRING IT BACK.

(OH TRUST ME. THET WAS UPPAHMOST IN MAH MIND raht about then. Wheels or NO wheels).

I'LL JUST GIVE YOU A NEW MOWER for all your trouble.

FUME FUSS FI...

WHAT?

WEEEEEEEEEEELY?

OHHH I KNEW AH LIKED YOU.

I may name mah first born aftah...

NM

So, after getting the new one (all assembled too mind you), home, I put the requisite oil in it. Filled it with gas (works better that way), and JUST as I was starting it...

Hmm.

I thought...

Mebbe I better get out of the garage.

The only thing this puppy HASN'T done yet is

BLOW UP

SO GOOD SO FAR...& I kin HAHDLY WAIT to see what happens next.

SHHHHH~