How do you tell the tourist in Alaska? 
They drive convertibles.
They wear shorts.
They think grass is green.
They are in the oven being thawed out
after swimming.
They don't believe Anti-Freeze is a beverage.
They still believe in lawn mowers instead of
snow blowers.
They think Snow Machines are for highway clearing.
They think Huskies are footwear.
They bring tanning lotion.
They've never seen snow in August...until now.
They think a sleeping bag under the stars is even REMOTELY possible for
anything but storing ice cubes.
They think they will find THE NAKED TRUTH
They think they will find THE NAKED TRUTH
in
Alaska.
They think sex in parkas is weird instead of
a necessity.
They think that being blue means someone is depressed.
They think THE BLUES refers to music instead of the local population.
They think that a frozen daiquiri is a drink and not the Italian guy next
door.
They think that 'ice water running through her veins' is a figure of
speech.
They don't know that 'bedrock' refers to pillows.
(it's also something that
you heat to 400 degrees and put in your bed an hour before bedtime).
They keep looking for the refrigerator.
They are virgins.
(They've never jumped naked into a mountain stream in
February).
They've never sent a polar bear out to get the mail.
They think that 'shiver me timbers' is something
only pirates say.
They don't realize that 'peeing in the snow' is so
you can find your truck.
(Also makes great ice sculptures)
They don't realize that the term 'frozen food' refers to anything
edible.
They don't know that the proper term for
Marching Band is RUN LIKE HELL
Band.
Alaska bans brass instruments. The mouthpieces freeze to your face.
Giving someone a 'proper burial' means
putting them on the back porch until
spring.
Checkers is played with colored ice cubes.
Ice skating to the bathroom is common.
The tourists are now convinced that the world
has ended and Hell has indeed
frozen over.
ALASKA...where nobody has ever heard the word balmy, and couldn't relate to
it even if they had.
MISS ALASKA 2009: A polar bear in a bikini
Alaska really does have 4 seasons, and they all happen on July 25th.
ALASKA: PROOF THAT GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR~! (& so do I).
ALASKA: PROOF THAT MOTHER NATURE IS A VICIOUS OLD WOMAN
(with PMS)!
_________________________________________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment